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  • Writer's pictureEmily Breeden

“Freedom” Actually Means Becoming a Salesperson

Well, it’s official.  I am flying to Peru on March 22, which is my birthday!  Happy birthday to me!  Side note… Last year I bought myself a snow-kiting lesson for my birthday, and it was the 2nd coolest present to myself ever (Peru being the first, obviously).  That may have to be a blog post of its own…  [Side Note #2… I apologize in advance that I have a lot of “Side Notes”… It’s called “ADD.”]

After Peru officially became set in stone, and the exciting feeling of being a “badass job-quitter” started lessening a bit, there was a new feeling that set in.  It was also a feeling of excitement, but a different kind… I imagine this is what hoarders (like actual ones in therapy and on reality TV shows) feel when they can FINALLY get themselves to throw things away for the first time.  Relief!  Freedom!  I BEAT you, you crazy disorder! 

Ahhem… So, about hoarding… Over the years I have been accumulating and saving things (nice business-ey clothes, decorations, high heels I can’t walk in, kitchen things..) thinking they’d come in handy as I got closer to the age of when people are supposed to become adults and settle down (i.e. buy a home.)  Well, since making this lovely new decision to do the opposite of settle down, I now have this new feeling of “How much money can I make on all the crap I don’t want or need right now?”  Since I was in sales for a couple years, it seemed like a really fun game to me.  I can get RID of stuff…and make MONEY??… YES!!!

For some really smart reason (not), the first thing I decided to do was learn how to sell on eBay.  

It took me an entire day just to do the following:  Sign up for eBay, determine which clothes were nice enough to make some money on, research all specs (material, country the item was manufactured, washing instructions, etc.) on every item, research pricing for similar items, take some wannabe-model pics to post, edit the hell out of those pictures to make them look more professional, create a listing, and figure out which dollar amount to start the auction.  Despite eBay’s recommendation to start EVERY auction at $0.99, I started them at $5.00 because these were NICE items… like this dress I paid around $100 for and wore once… How could I possibly start them at $0.99??  Doesn’t eBay understand how hard I worked to take these damn dress pictures??

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Keep in mind, I have never even shopped on eBay, so I have no idea why I thought this was the best place to sell clothing items.  For some reason in my mind, I pictured clicking “List this Item!” and immediately getting 100 notifications from people around the country, fighting over my clothes, not caring how high the price got because “OMG!!  I just NEED that lightly used dress!!!  F!@$ you, other bidders!!!” I definitely thought auctioning my clothes would make me some real ca$h money, homes.

Yeah, that’s not how it works.  

Without boring you with all of the details, here is a summary of what happened:

I listed 10 items (very nice, name brand, some still with tags, all barely worn).  After an entire week, three (3) out of ten (10) of them got bid on. AT THE LAST SECOND.  (Remember, I had started the auctions at $5.00).

So after shipping costs (which I SO KINDLY included for free for US buyers, assuming the prices would get jacked up SO HIGH during the auction, it was the least I could do), after sitting in traffic to go to the post office twice, after dealing with a cancellation by a bidder from the UK who thought “free shipping” meant for out of country also (Wrong.  I’d be paying $24.75 to send a stranger my shirt.  What??)… then dealing with another cancellation by the other bidder, involving an awkward situation where I walked into the daylight and noticed a huge coffee stain on the sleeve of the shirt, that I hadn’t noticed before in my apartment… uhh woops… I made $1.51.

Yup, all that work, to sell one really nice, un-used, black and white Ann Taylor Loft blazer… for a “profit” of $1.51.  


$1.51.  Pretty sure I need some 151 rum after that. <— I have a song to go with every post, if you haven’t noticed yet.  You’re welcome.

So long story short, I need to re-evaluate this whole selling-my-stuff thing.  After this eBay fiasco, which overall was quite a good learning experience, I’ve learned it’s a lot harder to make money on used items.  EVERYONE IS SELLING THEIR JUNK.  ALL THE TIME. The world is one giant garage sale, which is cool if you’re a buyer but not cool if you’re the seller.  Rarr.

Next step, checking out the local “Swap and Shop” sites… Word on the street is those are a helluva lot better than eBay.  If only I had been on that street… to hear that word… before… ahhh whatever.

Ohh, and the other idea I came up with to make some money the conventional way before I leave, besides selling my belongings, is to get one of those things called “a job.”  I don’t leave until mid-March, so why not use this little career break to explore the market of odd jobs and see what I find?  No, Mom, I am not becoming an escort or a stripper.  That is not the odd job I’m talking about.  But perhaps there are some cool events coming up that I could help with?… (Yeah, DJ friends, I’m talking to you… I could be your DJ assistant!!  If that’s a thing?)

Wait.. Yeah it is a thing, check out DJ Hodor and Arya. I could be your Arya!:


Final thought, so who wants to buy that dress?  $30?  Anyone?  Bueller?

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