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  • Writer's pictureEmily Breeden

No, Everything Doesn’t Happen for a Reason.

Hello world.  It’s been a while.  Nice to be back.

Seriously though, I can’t believe it’s been 2.5 years since my last post.  That is downright scary.  …What happened?

Life, that’s what happened.

So after my “clarity” post two years ago, i.e. while I was spending a lot of time hiking, not drinking, eating paleo and discovering that clean eating made me feel energized, on top of the world… I pretty quickly fell back into old habits for a very foggy couple of years.

A fog of experiences such as:

A relationship with a wonderful person who always saw the good in me, when I didn’t see it in myself.  A great time partying my butt off in Denver.  A promotion to be a manager for the first time.  A bajillion Red Rocks and Cervantes shows, and overall, a LOT of music, dancing, and drinking.  An impulsive decision to get a puppy.  A feeling of excitement, yet also a lot of overwhelm, and starting to get back into something I was once prescribed/addicted to and swore I’d never use again, adderall.  A few crazy camping experiences and road trips.  An adderall-induced idea to move to Boise, Idaho… and then actually making it happen within a couple months.  A big, scary move.  A vision of buying a house and settling down in a new state.  Was that really my vision though, or was I just going along with what others expected of me?  A new job.  A lot of driving.  Why do I feel so off?  Doing yoga and some introspection.  A realization.  A flash of memories, a lot of tears.  A breakup.  Saying goodbye to my beloved fur-baby.  More, and more, and more tears.  An end to a chapter that went really, really fast.

…Then, a lot of Lizzo. 🙂 A fresh start at 31, in a new city with a new job.  A new beginning.  A beautiful new beginning, once again.

How many times can one start over?  How can years pass by so quickly?  How can we make them slow down? 

First off, I don’t think anyone is actually “starting over” after a relationship ends.  Each experience, whether it’s a relationship ending, a move to a new city, a new job… does not involve you suddenly becoming a clean slate.

Experiences build on each other, and over time, you can find out what you want, and don’t want.  You can discover what makes you feel alive, and learn not to waste time on things or people that drain your energy.  You discover your priorities.  You can start FRESH, but with a solid new perspective and confidence in what you want.

What helps me slow down is GRATITUDE.  Journaling.  Reflection.  Taking time to pause.  Yoga, meditation, getting out in nature.  Disconnecting from the chaotic, digital world.  Getting AWAY from the clutter.

These foggy couple of years included going, going, GOING… and not a lot of pausing, and recalibration.  It included a lot of GREAT times, but also, a lot of time spent trying to numb, or quiet my feelings… it included over-consumption of everything – social media, alcohol, distractions… pushing the little voice away that was questioning if I was really on the path I wanted to be on, and not listening to my gut, again, like the ol’ days before I started this blog in the first place.  Doing what I “should” do according to everyone but me.  

I wasn’t inspired enough to post even once in this blog over The Foggy Years, which upon reflecting, is pretty crazy, considering how much joy writing brings me.  It is like therapy!

Does everything happen for a reason?…

I don’t remember where I heard this (probably one of the millions of podcasts or audio books I’ve listened to over the years), but I heard the saying: “Things don’t happen for a reason; things just happen, and then WE assign the reason(s).”  -unknown (if you know,  help me out ;))

Does that mean I’m atheist or something?  No.  I simply believe it is up to US to decide how we are going to respond to things that happen “to” us.  Pause, and respond, rather than react.  Maybe, just maybe, things are happening “for” us.

That idea resonates more with me than just assuming everything is out of our hands.  I think I have the power to assign positive reasons for why things happened the way they did.  I learned a TON!  And now, I believe I am where I’m supposed to be, when I’m supposed to be here.  This will probably have to be another post, but there are so many things happening right now, that I am SO excited and grateful for, that wouldn’t be happening or wouldn’t exist without the pain, change, and stresses of the recent life events.

Final quote to leave you with on my first [stream-of-consciousness] blog post in 2.5+ years… “Create before you consume” – Marie Forleo

Read that again: CREATE before you CONSUME.

My goal is to do just that, which is why I chose to dust off the ol’ blog tonight, instead of my usual routine of mindlessly scrolling through social media before bed. 🙂

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